I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
