My room smells like vodka and shame
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
