i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
