You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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