I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
