sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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