You smell like a Billy Joel song
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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