Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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