Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
return my video game
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize