Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
