just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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