I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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