dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
