So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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