i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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