It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
