We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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