Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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