Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
