If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
