when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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