I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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