he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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