I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We have started to decorate penises.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize