dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
