you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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