his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
