she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
