she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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