Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i out mim tonsoeep
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
