i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
