She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
