i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
our cab driver is having phone sex.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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