SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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