you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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