Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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