so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
