yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize