I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize