Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
