I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he's single and there are thong briefs.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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