At least make sure they are 18
Why
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
