Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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