I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
