There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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