Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
