so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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