and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
