If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
