She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
