haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
