I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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