My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
