There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
