Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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