It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize