im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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