Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize