Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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