I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
