First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
