Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
