I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
