I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
