Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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