Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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