Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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