Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
