Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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