i dont even know how to be here
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
