his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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