oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
