See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
