I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
