I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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