i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
nutella sex= disaster
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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