Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
