he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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