My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
