my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize