I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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