Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
