I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize