I think i peed on brittanys purse
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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