I think i peed on brittanys purse
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
