he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
