Please, let me fuck your mom
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
In America we eat man semen.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
