I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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