I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
