I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
