Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
