also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
