Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
