Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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