I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
